Remember the old children’s favourite, with Hammy the hamster and his pals, voiced by the late, great Johnny Morris? I wonder how he would have worked his animal magic on a bunch of snails? Not exactly action-packed sequences, of course, but time-lapse photography might have helped …

P.S. I am taking a bit of a liberty with the title, since these snails are not actually on a riverbank, just hanging around beside the local burn.

(Now imagining Johnny Morris Scottish snail voice … )

“It may be a wee burn to you, but it’s not just any burn. It’s a famous burn. It’s been in the movies. And the Man in Black himself, Johnny Cash, recorded a Christmas special in the Auld Kirk beside it!”

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